XKCD-SUCKS

Reader Beware, You're in for a Scare!

xkcd-sucks General Info Address irc://irc.foonetic.net/xkcd-sucks Genre contrarianism Average Population 20-3 Founder(s) rob-sothoth Bot(s) FatRob ALT-F Troll(s) poutine A channel that was originally for the community revolving around The XKCDSucks blog, may it rest in peace. Now it's not for anyone. Stats aren't here This page was funnier when it was shorter. Frequent Users The V.I.Peeps. They are around just about every day and if you want to talk to people they're it. Name File Photo Nick's Gender Age Location Info rob charlotte_robday, charlotte_corday, rob-sothoth, ou-rob-oros, hot-hot-orbs, mel_bourne X Young WA Current channel ruler. Is the smartest person in the world. Ran the xkcdsucks blog after Carl and now sits on the IP while contributing nothing of value. Hates most things that aren't fixie bikes and indie music. Kitten priority_kitten, energy_panther M Old UK Stole science once and somehow never turned a profit. Runs the bots. Plays guitar. It is debatable who is a bigger British nerd, him or Ann. Ann AnnApolis, MaryLand M Youngest UK Enjoys pop music and boardgames. Is a hacker; he hacks. Was on TV once. Currently curates a Garfield-related artistic project on the internet. Missy Missy, phoning F Probably young USA Probably the coolest person here. Links the most images from tumblr. Has better things to do with her time but for some reason stays here despite that. r r M Young Wales The most quoteable person, with zero social media presence. Has a hobby of being depressed by politics and a passion for terrible things people say on the internet. Has an AM-like hatred of this wiki page. rainy rainy F Young The Netherlands Probably the nicest person here. Is a writer; she writes. We will never see the fruits of her labor, though, as they're probably too good. Should stop browsing 9gag. seth seth, sethphone M Young USA Is the only person who cares about updating this page, as such, very insecure. If you're new here it's probably his fault. Has the mentality of someone at least three-quarters his age. Foreverially broke, permanent ham body. tooth tooth Youngerest USA A big fancy artist in a big fancy city in big fancy college debt. Only talks when you say their name. Plays the nintendo more than you. Filly Mr_Filament M Your Dad's Age USA Spends his days listening to old ladies talk about their rashes while ordering merchandise from a magazine, and his nights partying it up as a comic and figurine enthusiast. We don't yet know his opinions on cheese. remi remi, rembo, digit M Like 20's Asia! Has an enthusiasm that is only matched by his inability to sleep well. Is generally down for whatever. Hg Hg, Hg2000 Q was 36 at some point East Coast Beast Coast The kind of person who, if life was a turn-of-the-century detective novel, would run a shop of trinkets and curios from around the world and would say things like "indubitably" "Channel" rules Food Pyramid of Healthy Sex No take-backsies. No give-backsies. No hating of Rob. No listening to Seth or Frowzie. No paying attention. No fatphobia. No crying. No EBG13. No "irony". No talking about xkcd. No linking to Tumblr. No linking to anything but Tumblr. No linking in general. No exclamation marks, even upside-down ones. No scrubs. No u. No Annie's face. Mandatory talking about silent robs. By talking in the channel, you agree that dogs are hella lame. Sovereign citizens have no rights and are subject to all of the channel's rules. List of running truths Rob is the fattest. Frowzie is drunk and fat. Everyone is incredibly successful T_A is bound to lose. Also fat. Seth edits his own description and loves Homestuck. What a loser. Channel is a chasm of self pity and despair. This page is important. The Lord does not work in mysterious ways, except insofar as it involves Crimbly. Sugar is the opposite of pepper List of relevant URLs Duckbama. Vaudeville Ghosts Lesbian Skate Ravers Tumblr FurAffinity Krabboss Is cool. "Channel" Manifest Chanifest no, fuck you We are a bunch of rad dudes and ladies installing linux on skateboards. Here's our gear lineup. Name Skateboard Linux Location Current Status Annapolis Smith & Wesson 30" 64bit Debian 6.06 Engle-land Spying on Ken Jennings rob-sothoth Hi-tops OS/2 Fat THEM Undying fixture at the center of the universe Seth Unreal Air ILIOS US Still stuck at that awful job foreverally unemployable eqypt The WindWaker DeenWare Tennessee some superslide joke Priority_Kitten Mirrorboard/LEGO Custom OSX/CentOS Land of the Engles Furthering the cause of science slav/butterflyra/rainy Cheesegrater AmigaOS Slavia Transformed into a bug Frowardd A Suitcase The Same Suitcase The Same Suitcase, Again Fitting inside a suitcase Ravenzomg Speed Deemonz Checker Custom Windows 95 Ontario Currently on tour The_autodidact/Missy Darkstar Rabid Yellow Gentoo Community College Rallying the people Mr_Filament/Filly Crackerstar Express AndroidOS 0.9 The Deepest South A vampire Muad World Industries Cruisn' Cruiser Yellow Hat Linux Heaven Died for our sins Maxle Levitation Proprietary Chinese Secret Windows XP probably europe probably enjoying freedoms Hg LevitatioHoverboard FreeBDSM New Jersey taking this seriously despite our intentions Elision a fucking quadcopter Hannah Montana Linux American I think I don't keep track of this very well watching cartoons because they're better now Krabboss JUJAK courier Digimon Eclipse Australian Complaining about videogames whig Vantablack 280 Gobolinux WEB SITE hopefully havin a good time out there r Extreme Kitties Skateboard, Surf n' Dance Cygwin Wales needs to stop reading internet comments watching The Great Indoors Jon "Jon Levi" Levi Brave Star Selvege Unregistered Hypercam 2 Jon Levi dreaming of fanfiction ideas tooth cucumber express Wacom Brooklyn alive but not health littlebit they walk, they just walk Steambooru Benmark forgetting they were here List of people that aren't here but I wish were here May Their Names Never Be Forgotten Our Precious Angels In Heaven ALTF juicy jn mno aloria Joe Frowardd Kat_Pope sean Ian MrQBear capn ananke puddle airtank Crimbly poutine cookie joannac William Monty Hughes Skanker List of Sethites ananke jn eGypt mno Ian elision Skanker Krabboss tooth some other people List of Kittenites cookie ☆☆ Krabboss's Achievements List ☆☆ Achievement Description First person to link straight-up porn in the channel OFFICIAL XKCD-SUCKS SHEEPLE GAME RESULTS 1. Describe rob in one word, other than the word 'fat'. FAT (5pts) ann ("fat") rob ("immense") Elision ("corpulent") William Monty Hughes ("corpulent") kitten ("fattest") HIPSTER (2pts) T_A Raven 1pt answers: "sad" - Frowzie "dreamy" - Seth "'Rob'" - slav ""Resplendent"" - Ian "Dumb" - ashy "robbed" - mno "Asshat" - Joe 2. Name a former member of the channel you would like to return. ALORIA (4pts) ann T_A kitten Joe NOBODY (3pts) Elision ("I don't know anyone who's left other than joannac, so nobody") ashy ("who?") mno ("mnobody") JOANNAC (2pts) Ian William Monty Hughes ("The Angel of Death") 1pt answers: "carl 'crandarlob' wheeler" - rob "ananke" - seth "snacks" - Frowzie "jade_harley" - slav "pro_mole" - Raven 3. Describe how you want to murder annie. EROTICALLY (2pts) Elision ("sensually") Raven ("sexily") 1pt answers "Single gunshot" - ann "trotsky-style" - rob "stabbed with music puns" - kitten "Chinese bamboo torture" - Frowzie "Ironically" - T_A "Successfully" - Seth "I wouldn't" - mno "in front of grace chatto, who nods appreciatively all the while" - slav "crazy glue" - ashy "travel back in time and give your foetus a peanut allergy then travel back to the present and give you a peanut" - Ian "Ohohoho. Had I a thousand hands and keyboards I could not print this to a satisfactory answer within the millennia despite my vast, immeasurable talents. Give me a thousand chimps (I'm sure your mangy gang can substitute for at least twenty) on a thousand typewriters. From there, it's only a matter of time before your ignoble deaths. As the men in Hazz-mat suits walk in to survey the shit-drowned corpses and exterminate the chimps (it was hard to distinguish the two groups) they will find a single sheet of paper, presumably the last writings of a mind for whom nothing but the insides of a toilet bowl should hold. On that shit-stained sheet of paper will simply be the words and in gorgeous arial-12 font: 'xkcd sucks'. Delighted, I exclaim from the comfort of my Fortress of Solitude: "I limned this night-piece, and it was my best'." - W.M.H. "He'll know it's coming. I'll leave notes, scrawled in blood, above his bed as he sleeps. I'll leave a knife embedded in his pillow, just so he knows no barrier he can erect can keep him safe. This will continue for weeks. On the final night, I will kick down his door, charge him with my sword and slash his throat out. Bending his head back, I shall drink in the blood of my deserving victim to gain his feeble strength." - Joe 4. Name the worst xkcd. 631 (4pts) ann rob T_A Joe ("if memory serves. I dare not verify.") ALL OF THEM (3pts) kitten mno ("the one where equations are more important than the sexual pleasure of women") seth ("the one about phones") 1pt answers: "119" - Frowzie "72" - Ian "money" - raven "404" - William Monty 'Huge' "literally what is xkcd" - Ashy "1347" - Elision "712" - slav 5. Describe what Carl 'Ugly' Wheeler is doing as we speak. MASTURBATING (5pts) ann rob ("to 631") Frowzie ("into a tub of lard") slav ("over his piles of illicit gains") Elision ("like 30% chance he's sleeping, 10% chance he's whacking it") BEING A RICH CARIBBEAN BASTARD (3pts) t_a ("pissing his life away in a beach house in the caymans") kitten ("rolling around in google adsense money") raven ("retired on a carribean isle") WHO? (3pts) ashy mno ian ("being ugly? idk who this is but they sound pretty bad") 1pt answers: "falling in love" - seth "Failing at everything he tries. This includes simple tasks like making dinner or brushing his teeth." - Joe "That depends upon your (idiot) definition of 'doing', idiot. No one as hollow at the core as The Autist Formerly Known as Prick can be imagined as doing anything so much as the smegma currently pasteurising on my penis is accomplishing much, loath as I am to debase myself with such an unequal comparison. I estimate he's probably wasting the ill-gotten gains of his Empire of Hate on poorly thought out ventures like whores, or the cocaine, or both. The way of the reverse-Schindler I suppose, in Wheeler's case 'he who wastes one life saves the world retired'. I can only hope that whatever he's doing, that he's realised the error of his ways and yet is denied all hope of redemption. In the way of the tragic hero of classical drama he has attained a measure of anagnorisis yet is past the point of it being of any use. Carl Wheeler has destroyed himself. Let the travesty of his being serve as a dire warning against walking (or cycling, that is, Wheeling) the road of the Liberal Arts Major." - Willard Montgomery Hughes 6. Name a job someone in the channel has. SCIENCE THIEF (5pts) ann rob seth slav kitten STUDENT (3pts) elision ashy ("top university in the world") raven 1pt answers: "nuclear submarine man" - Frowzie "being a jerk" - mno "courier" - T_A "runs a shitty blog" - ian "N/A" - Willy Huge n.b. Joe is awarded 0pt this round for answering three times 7. Name a trick used to speedrun OoT. SUPERSLIDE (4pts) ann kitten ("suuuuupersliiiiide") ashy ("superslide wrong warp") rob ("wrongwarp superslide ISG") FELCHING (2pts) seth slav ("double shift back felch") 1pt answers: "dash slide" - T_A "backflip" - mno "BACKWARDS LONG JUMP I GOT THIS" - elision "up up down down left right left right B A start" - Frowzie "cocaine" - Ian "stick them with the pointy end" - Raven "I've never played an N64 game, so I am forced to assume that the fastest way of beating it is to look up the ending on youtube." - Joe "Seppuku. 'If your goal is a quick end, upon your blade' - Hughsian Proverb. Ocarina not Clockarina you dunce." - William Monty Hughes 8. Name a good webcomic. ACHEWOOD (3pts) rob T_A mno GUNNERKRIGG COURT (2pts) Seth Ian 1pt answers: "scarygoround" - Frowzie "a softer world" - ann "Order of the Stick" - Joe "oglaf" - Raven "vattu" - Elision "unsounded" - slav "no u" - kitten "n/a" - ashy ""Xkcd"" - W.M.H. 9. Name an awful website that isn't a webcomic. REDDIT (7pts) ann Frowzie T_A seth Ian kitten mno ("/r/xkcd") XKCDSUCKS.BLOGSPOT.COM (3pts) Rob W.M.H. raven 1pts answers: "neogaf" - Elision "stuffdutchpeoplelike" - slav "<annie's website to which i won't link but gj on the detective work ashy>" - ashy "Isn't there a site that advocates legalizing drunk driving? That one." - Joe 10. Name the channel members who would make the best couple. ANNIE & RAVEN (2pts) ann Seth ROB & KITTEN (2pts) Ian raven 1pt answers: "ann & rob" - Rob "ann & eqypt" - eqypt "ann & kitten" - T_A "slav & kitten" - kitten "eqypt & seth" - Frowzie "eqypt & elision" - Elision "joannac & rob" - slav "Rob and whatever fat cock is in the room at any given moment. Or: Ananke and myself" - Joe "mno" - mno "Everyone involved and the sweet embrace of a most merciful and fortuitous Psychopomp, followed by an eternal honeymoon in the farthest reaches of Non-Fictional Hell for a spate of unending copulation with a skeletal drudger (ossified phallus included, obviously)." - William Montissimo Hughes FINAL SCORES 11. joe 1+4+1+4+1+0+1+1+1+1 15 10. W.M.H. 5+2+1+1+1+1+1+1+3+1 17 9. raven 2+1+2+1+3+3+1+1+3+2 19 9. slav 1+1+1+1+5+5+2+1+1+1 19 9. ashy 1+3+1+1+3+3+4+1+1+1 19 8. ian 1+2+1+1+3+1+1+2+7+1 20 8. frowzie 1+1+1+1+5+1+1+1+7+1 20 7. elision 5+3+2+1+5+3+1+1+1+1 23 6. mno 1+3+1+3+3+1+1+3+7+1 24 5. seth 1+1+1+3+1+5+2+2+7+2 25 4. t_a 2+4+1+4+3+1+1+3+7+1 27 3. rob 5+1+1+4+5+5+4+3+3+2 33 2. kitten 5+4+1+3+3+5+4+1+7+1 34 1. ann 5+4+1+4+5+5+4+1+7+2 38 How to bag yourself a seaman You're going to need a big paper bag.