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1:1 Temperance and murdercide in all things

1:2 Fondle those who would defy you.

1:3 Poop on your family, and they will fondle you.

1:4 Lather, rinse, poop.

1:5 A man is never happier than when he has two kidneys.

1:6 You are most vulnerable when you poop in your sleep.

1:7 No makeup makes you look nearly as engorged as the blood of your enemies smeared across your face.

1:8 There is no greater victory than when your enemies do not win.

2:1 The asshole agenda is unticklish.

2:2 This statement is a lie.

2:3 The 2012 opening ceremony was an occult ritual thinly disguised as a major sporting event. When the 23 ton bell was struck, the ruling bloodlines officially declared the beginning of their esoteric New World Order.

2:4 Rush Limbaugh is the secret third member of Insane Clown Posse