Talk:Leopard

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It would be fun if we wrote a story about leopards here:

I'll start!


Once upon a time, a leopard called Leggie was going to shop for bicycles when suddenly... a wild estranged man leapt forth from the bushes and spoke,

"Forsooth, young leopard! Swear not an oath to aesthetic demands, when one should think so highly of a man who is but just a man, as mortal as you or I"

With this, the startled leopard proceeded to tear at the man's flesh, and as the screams died, so did part of the leopard, as a solitary tear, followed by some semen and more tears flowed freely from his face.

He carried on with his relaxed stroll, confident this would be the last interruption on his journey. But no!

He was a damned fool for thinking such stupid thoughts! Only a genuinely retarded leopard could think so guardedly. Christ.

A wild Brock appeared, brandishing a large screwdriver. "I'VE BEEN TRYING TO OPEN MY EYES ALL NIGHT" he yelled blasphemously, and thrust the screwdriver deep into his eye sockets.

Blood gushed venomously from the wound, and Brock was spent. Money rolled from his pockets.

Without hesitation the leopard picked the money up, thinking about the new ceiling to his home that needed plastering. The leopard giggled slightly, then, laughed outrageously.

"FUCK CEILINGS" he yelled, and threw the money at a passing pedestrian.

The pedestrian hurled the bills back calmly, "I ASKED FOR A SANDWICH, NOT A FUCKING WAD OF CASH, YOU CEILINGLESS BITCH"

Upon hearing this the bike store owner decided to close the shop early, after all, clearly there was some kind of mental leopard out there, and besides, who else would clean the sink of the bio hazardous waste collecting in heaps? Not the leopard that's for damn sure! "FUCK THE LEOPARD" he screamed, and ran to the sink!

LO!

There sat the leopard, chained to a stolen bicycle!

The leopard upon being surprised, took a gigantic shit everywhere. Spraying back and forth like some demented skunk, the foul faeces covered the bike store owner in a fine layer. Of shit.

Click.

Suddenly, lights flooded the kitchen.

The bike shop owner gasped rather loudly, given the situation, personally I think he was being a bit dramatic. So did the leopard, and scratched the bike shop owner tenderly.

A loud whistle echoed from the floor upstairs, and the bike shop owner gasped again, louder, this time.

"You are a damned fool, you do realise?" laughed the leopard Leggie. Upon finished a laugh he raced upstairs and broke the neck of the woman who had turned the lights on. "BREATH NO MORE LIGHT SHITTER, MAY SATAN SWITCH YOUR LIGHT SWITCHES IN HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"

I heard, a couple of weeks ago from a polynesian friend that the leopard got a discount on a new bike for his heroic war effort, and a shiny badge which legend has it, got eaten by a sizeable goat a couple of weeks later. Today in fact.

The End.

Accept the fact though, that it isn't. There can never be an end to a shitting leopard. May his shits alter the course of human progression in a post modern economical system of plutocracy.



A friend told me that newer leopards can be washed in the dishwasher, as long as you let them dry out thoroughly. I've never tried it because I couldn't bear to lose my favorite leopard. Does anyone have any evidence supporting or denying this for inclusion in the article? -Logan

I have an old style Northgate 101 Omnikey Leopard. The keys can be removed by a small tool and then washed. - Mike

I think that the representative selection of illustrations in this article is lacking. There are many varieties of leopards and many photos available for use. 68.80.214.96 11:38, 19 March 2012 (EDT)
I tend to prefer creating new illustrations or photographs for these uses. It avoids any issue with copyright that might have been otherwise omitted or misused. Unfortunately my leopards are not in a suitably photogenic area for me to create new pictographs. 66.127.87.82 13:34, 19 March 2012 (EDT)
With the Microsoft Leopard Creator (MSLC), you can easily screenshot pictures of common leopard layouts, if anyone's interested. 207.118.80.33 04:20, 20 March 2012 (EDT)

[edit] ZOMG

OMFG COPYVIO ZOMG!!!


keyboard Keyboard Sorry, just a test to see if it's a script or someone with Ctrl + H

yu cum in you're lepord bitcj