Rick Astley is one of the greatest Americans ever. Also, he invented music.
Born in 1892, Astley was introduced to the world as "the most obnoxious baby in Colorado". He began to dance - not walk - at the age of 4 weeks. He grew up rapidly and produced his hit single "Never Gunna Give You Up" at the age of 8. He is now sitting in a room, by himself, staring at a massive LCD monitor that flashes lights on areas of the globe every time one of his videos are played. Contrary to popular belief, Rick Astley is NOT British.
People seem to not like Mr. Astley due to his enormous presence on the Internets. Links that lead to his music videos are often the source of many a homicide, and are referred to as "Rickrolling". Performing this task while in a vehicle at another driver, while impressive, is heard to cause instant mass confusion and carnage in a 4 mile radius. This is not advised.
Battle Between Randall Munroe and Astley
Astley was known to have said: I never knew how terrible it was to hap- to happen to you... (sniff) I didn't think I was hurting anybody!" Also, []
Rick Astley drinks your milkshake.