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Like a Shoofle, but with 3" webbed risers and a self-lubing chassis.


When glenching, make sure the safety is ON: unsafe glenching can lead to injury or death.


A standard alpha-torque wrench is sufficient to allow glenching within 2 MOA. A positive-torsion alignment guide is recommended to insure vector cleanliness.

If your glench fails to remain upright, it may require derumination to function properly. Open, (but do not remove!) the lid to access temporary storage. Remove the rum. Replace the rum with orange juice or gatorade. Unit may require rehydration or love before returning to 100% stability.


  • Not for internal use.
  • When inserting genitalia into your glench (or vice versa), ensure the main hydraulic lines are fully charged with certified glench fluid.
  • Do not expose to temperatures over 140 degrees celsius, as this may cause vapor lock.
  • Do not glench when under the influence of LSD, PCP, peyote buttons, paint thinner, glue, alcohol, marijuana, or nicotine. Everything else is fine, though.
  • Do not glench while operating heavy machinery other than your glench.
  • For glenchs lasting longer than four hours, contact a Bucket, as this may be a sign of a serious medical condition.

See also[edit]