A visitor's guide to London

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A beloved member of #xkcd will be in London for four months.

Tell him EVERYTHING HE NEEDS TO KNOW!

Foods! Places to visit! Special deals! What's a rail pass?

Emirates!

Try the Spotted Dick!

Err... Don't go to the london dungeon as the que isn't worth it?

Agree- don't go to london dungeon.

London eye at sunset.

Skittles, Sour Skittles, Sprite, Coke, ketchup... it's all better in England, because they use real sugar and not high fructose corn syrup. Try the Skittles. They're real good.

Thornton's toffee

And ice-cream - I recommend the mint choc chip...

Marmite, because you have to

The Boogaloo, right off of the Highgate stop on the northern line.
reasonably priced drinks for London, and the best damn jukebox in Britain. 
If you see The Rabbi, buy him a Guinness.  

If you see Shane, don't buy him anything, as he can afford his own damn drinks.

Madame Tussuad's is a ripoff these days, don't do it!

Yep.

If you are homesick for decent american food, the texas embassy behind trafalgar square is excellent and fairly priced for london. tgi fridays, the hard rock cafe etc... are NOT.

If you like Texican food, go to the Chiquito restaurant in Leicester (pronounced exactly like it's spelt) Square. Seriously good service and tasty food. Do NOT go to any other mexican restaurant. Period. They all suck.

if you want the best food in london wagamamas is required - chicken katsu curry and some gyoza. if theres more than one of you get an edamame to share.

Almost all the museums are free now, so no excuses. just pop in and dont feel like you have to absorb everything to justify your visit (as previously required by the £8 entrance fee). a quick 30 minute trip to a single exhibit is refreshing and totally worth the time.

Don't let anyone con you into thinking croydon is a) part of london b) worth getting a zone 6 travelcard for c) not due to be bombed into rubble

Walking between tube stops is usually quicker than getting the tube. you may need to get yourself lost a few times before you figure out the right directions to head in though.

The "Oyster" card works on the Underground and buses, but doesn't work on the long-distance trains. It's really a Philips Mifare card, which has recently been hacked; GIYF.

The Underground line from Aldwych to Strand is quite scenic, but they are snooty and won't sell you a ticket for it.

That's because Aldwych has been closed for some time.

There are rail passes for the long distance trains, but you have to understand the entire history of British railroading from 1850 to the present in order to figure out which one to buy and which trains you can use it on.

You might ask in news:uk.transport.london about the details of Oyster and rail passes.

There are 12 pence to the shilling and 20 shillings to the pound. If somebody says the price is "ten and six", that means 10 shillings and 6 pence.

  Cor, guv'ner, British people don't use shillings anymore.  One GBP is now 100 p.
     Of course they still use shillings.  THE MAN ABOVE IS A SPY FOR THE HUNS!  

Be careful in Soho, Kent, and Mayfair; they've had trouble with werewolves.

Nonsense the werewolves rarely leave hyde park now.

I have to say I was impressed by the 6'4" drag-queen directing people down the platform in the Victoria tube station. oooooh! also, get the Piccadilly line at some point. Bound for Cockfosters. Giggles to be had.

If you find yourself feeling homesick for food {it happens to the best of us} get the Tube to Covent Garden, somewhere around there is the Cybercandy food store, where for a 1000% increase on pricing you can get A&W, Take 5, and many other good foods.

Borough Market (London Bridge Tube), Portobello Market (Notting Hill Gate Tube). Don't miss. Harrod's (Knightsbridge), Selfridges (Bond Street Tube). Eat Dim Sum at Royal China, because it's better here than it is in the States.

  - agreed, royal China is the best dim sum. But if you need a quick fix in central London, the restaurants in China Town are open til very very late and are mostly v cheap. The Wong Kei is almost worth it for the rudest waiters in the world, though the food is miserable. The best value dim sum is in Shanghai next to Dalston Kingsland station - and afterwards you can be a hateful hipster.

Also, Central London and the West End are all very nice but not really typical of where most people actually live, so you might want to look around some other areas as well...

HARRODS. HARRODS. HARRODS IS THE BEST THING. Also my grandparents' house, which isn't technically in London. The Eye isn't really worth it; Tussaud's is, as mentioned, exorbitantly expensive. Everything will be, say, New York-expensive, because it's London. Also British chocolate, which is much better in Britain and can be found anywhere, and Tango, which is a type of soda but delicious and comes in apple flavor. The apple is the best.

Bagels at the top of Brick Lane. 24 hours a day. London institution. And brick Lane / Shoreditch ftw.